Duck Duck Cougar?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
pop tarts are not kleenex
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I want is dick and wine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
