she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
