It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
