I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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