I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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