Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
