I wish they made helmets for livers.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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