There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
