she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
