There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
As shirtless as possible
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
