so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
