I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
