somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
