So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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