Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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