There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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