AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
