It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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