I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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