dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
