I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
