Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
