Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
