i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
