We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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