i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
