i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
