my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
