it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
