She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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