There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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