There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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