I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize