My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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