Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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