Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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