My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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