sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
