Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
