I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
