Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
