i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
