What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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