I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
