I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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