im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
