Will you blow on my dice?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You don't make any sense
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