Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
