i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
