It's Friday. Sex?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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