Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
