no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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