woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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