pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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