it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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