So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
