Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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