haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
