What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
