just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
