Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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