my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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