A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
