I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
