I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
