my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
