no. you can't hotbox the world.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
