You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
