her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
