is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
