Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
