Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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