And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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