I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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