wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
