I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
