i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
