friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
